A Journey of One Thousand Miles- the First Step

The past two months have been tumultuous. Intimidating. Disheartening. Life changing.

I had been chasing some health problems, which turned into potential cancer scares in 3 body systems. In the middle of this, my father passed away. Then there were biopsies, a cremation, a breakup, some breakdowns, and now a trip to try to rebuild my inner self.

The term "passed away" makes light of the actual event. To stand by a bed and watch someone you dearly love and need as they meet death, always unprepared on both sides, is an unspeakable and indescribable journey. Only death is ready.

After that, nothing is tidy and everything has changed. But even worse may be yet to come as it sinks it that this is forever.

When we left the hospital that morning, people were going to work-- they were smiling and laughing and carrying lunches. The sun was shining. It was unfathomable.

Eventually, we too had to laugh and have lunch and go about our business. It seems like the world should stop, but it doesn't.

It's been almost 7 weeks now, and I am finally done with doctor's appointments for a few minutes, sadly know the wiser about what is actually wrong, except for the positive bottom line that I do not have cancer in any of the body parts that we checked.

It's interesting, isn't it, that we think doctors and parents and perhaps others Have the answers and can protect us. We believe in them come possibly because we have to and we can't comprehend the fact that we are all making this up as we go along. Some have more training in certain areas than others, but nothing is a guarantee and nothing is truly black-and-white. True, if you break an arm, they can identify that problem and set it to fix it, but if you have other more elusive symptoms, well you just might be out of luck.

After that month and a half of tasks of the living and dead, tasks and appointments that do not further any cause, any cause that matters anyways, I needed to do something different for a few days. So I am going to take my RV for its maiden voyage to a campground and see if I have what it takes.

I hope to see meteor showers, read my book, eat good food, and maybe write or paint. I dare to think I might figure some things out, maybe find a little piece of myself again...a kernel of who I was before life made things so messy.